Yes, you heard me right. Although, we may have differing ideas on the term ‘package’. Last week, Saints Row developers revealed what appears to be the most expensive game bundle known to man. How expensive, you say? Well, without tax we’re looking at… $1 million dollars.
That’s right, folks! Now, one of you lucky individuals can be the proud owner of the Saints Row IV Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition! It. Has. Everything! A thrilling video game adventure, your very own Dub-Step gun, and even a hostage rescue experience that will make you feel like the badass you’ve always wanted to be. If the experience is too much, and you happen to need a sudden pick-me-up, you can drive to your nearest plastic surgeon in your new Gallardo (let’s be honest, going green is cool, but no one wants to be seen in a Prius).
Whether or not it’s a joke, looking at all the stuff you get with this enormous package may get you wondering “is it worth $1,000,000?” Fear not, my sweets, for I am here to break it down for you in a little segment I like to call…
Price That Package!
Okay, okay. Let’s dive right in, shall we? The Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition of Saints Row IV comes with 14 specific items. I’m going to price each item individually, and then add it all up to see where we stand. Easy enough, right? Please note, many of these prices will be averages, while a great deal of them will be from what I can find on the internet. I’ll try to be as accurate as I can, but no promises!
1. Commander and Chief Addition of Saints Row IV – $60
- When you pre-order Saints Row IV at GameStop, you are more than likely getting the Commander and Chief addition as a bonus. No extra cost, except that you’ve sold your soul to GameStop.
2. Full-size Replica Dub-Step Gun – $150.
- This was a bit more tricky. I didn’t have anything to go on from Saints Row, so I did a little research on other full-size replica guns (Portal, Gears of War). All guns seemed to range between $100 – $300, depending on color, seller, etc. I’m going to go ahead and say that the Dub-Step gun won’t be the most expensive replica you’ve ever bought (but it’ll be the dopest).
3. Hostage Rescue Experience – $200
- There are a few different companies that offer these specific services, and I chose one of the more popular search destinations. The website Virgin Experience Days offers a package for £129, and that’s about $200 US. I mean, $200 to be a badass for the day? Count me in.
4. Plastic Surgery – $5,000
- Plastic surgery costs really all depend on what exactly you want changed, lifted, or sucked from you. I’ve seen some that cost $900 and some that costs well over $9,000. I took a look at repetitive costs, averaged ’em up, and took $5,000 as a pretty base cost. Now, where’s the scalpel?
5. Spy Training Day – $153
- Sweet baby jesus, that’s not bad. Remember that Virgin Experience Days site I was talking about? Well, it’s full of badassery. Along with the hostage rescue package, they also have a Spy Camp package. It’s a whole day dedicated to giving normal human beings the chance to be James Bond for the day (minus the sex appeal). It rings in at £99, which for us ‘Murica folks is about $153 and some pocket change.
6. Personal Shopper – $500
- You can stop having your mother shop with you when you get this nifty little sidekick. Personal shoppers make anywhere from $45 – $500 dollars an hour. I’m going to take a guess and say that the Wad Wad package includes someone of higher esteem, so I priced your companion at $100 an hour. I was pretty gracious with the amount of time given to shop, about 5 hours, but hey… sometimes you just want to peruse the spandex isle for a while.
7. Capsule Wardrobe – $3,000
- Alright, I’m not going to lie… I actually had to google what the hell a Capsule Wardrobe is. For those of you who are in the same boat, it’s wardrobe that consists of about 15-20 articles of clothing. They can be mixed and matched and… whatever. The point is, it’s probably not cheap. I couldn’t find specific averages for any specific set, so I’m going to pull a number out of thin air: $3,000. Yeah, that’s right. I’ve been shopping for clothes for over 20 years, I know that ish ain’t cheap. One woman online said she was so thankful that she found the perfect cashmere sweater for only $500. So, imagine 20 of those.
8. 7 Night Stay in the Top Royal Suite in Dubai – $131,012
- According to CNN, this suite is the 12th most expensive in the entire world. Hell, it better be nice if I’m going to pay $18,716 per night. If I’m not sleeping in a bed made of adamantium and the dreams of happy children, then it just isn’t worth it.
9. A Week for Two at the Jefferson Hotel in Washington DC – $12,000
- That’s more like it. Finally, something I can’t afford that’s closer to something I can dream about. Rooms in this lovely hotel go from $800 – $8,000 a night, and I’m guessing that the lovely folks running this entire operation are going to want to put you up in style. I was gracious and pinned a night at $2,000. Now, they weren’t entirely clear on how long a ‘week’ was, whether it be 5 or 7 days, so I was a genius and averaged it at 6! My 5th grade math teacher would be so proud.
10. First Class Flights to Washington and Dubai – $ 17,100
- Welp, I have some good news and some bad news. Good news is, 2 roundtrip tickets to Washington are only about $1,100! This means that you only have to cut off one arm to pay for this flight. The bad news is, you’ll have to give up your first-born if you want to get to Dubai. Hear that? That’s $16,000 going bye-bye forever.
11. Lamborghini Gallardo – $200,000
- I won’t claim to know a damn thing about sports cars. I rock the 2 door Chevy Cobalt, so that’s about as luxury as I get. I had to search around google for the price of this lovely vehicle, and I came up with about 4,000 differing opinions on it. Do I want the butterfly doors? How about the extra horsepower? Hell, I don’t know. So, I did what anyone would do — I chose the price based solely on personal preference! Yay! Now shut up and take the dang car.
12. Toyota Prius + 1 Year of Insurance – $ 23,600
- Finally, something more my speed. This lean, mean, Green machine will run you about $23,ooo. Not too shabby, right? As far as insurance goes, I looked at average costs by state, and I found that people pay about $50 monthly, so that adds up to around $600 a year. Overall, it’s a small price to pay for saving Mother Earth. The downside is you kind of look like a total jerk.
13. A Years Super Car Membership – $20,690
- Considering we’re not being told the name of the Super Car club we’re supposedly becoming a member of, I researched the top Google hit. It happened to be a Super Car Club based in the UK, so I converted all the fees to USD. Right off the bat, we have a $4,840 joining fee. I know, I know, these cars better be damn good. For a years membership, you’ll have to pay around $15,850. Let me repeat… $15,850. Eh, no big deal. I didn’t want to retire at 65 anyway.
14. Virgin Galactic Space Flight – $250,000.
- Yep, I saved the best for last! Honestly, I would probably sell my soul to Satan if it meant I could go to space. Luckily, Virgin Galactic is here on this earth for the little astronaut in everyone. Honestly, I was surprised at how, well… cheap the tickets were. Relative to a lot of things in life, this is actually something a normal, upper middle-class human could save up for after 3-6 years. Sadly, I am not one of those humans. Houston, I have a problem.
So, what do you think? Are there some things on this list that you may be interested in owning? Let’s take a look at the total cost of all these ridiculous (yet totally dreamy) items. Drum roll, please!
Our total is… $663,465.
Well, that’s… disappointing. I know I probably low-balled a lot of these numbers, but with a deficit of more than $300,000, I don’t think I could have missed that much. Of course, we’ll have to factor in the tax… but hell, I’m far too lazy. Regardless, it was a fun little exercise. In the end, I guess what I’m trying to say is… don’t buy the Super Dangerous Wad Wad Edition of Saints Row IV, okay? I mean, unless you want to spend $1 million dollars. Hey, if you’ve got the money, then why not, right? There are starving children in Africa, man, but go to space! They can drive your Lambo while you’re gone.
What do you guys think about all of this? Is it some sort of elaborate marketing technique in order to rouse up some buzz about Saints Row IV? Or is it a real Thing that’s actually happening? Tell us in the comments below!