Recently, a lot of people have asked why I’m single. They have often told me how I’ve got such an incredible sense of humor, I’m one of the most intelligent people they know and that I’m a hottie little Asian. While this is all flattering to hear, I tend to just laugh it off, often times leaving people to assume my standards are way too high. In reality, I just love video games too much! Need a reason why?
Video games don’t cheat
Put simply, I’ve been in three real long-term relationships (the short Internet ones don’t count) and two of the hoes were cheaters (the other just cried a lot over past relationships!) I was pretty forgiving in my last relationship, but after someone ended up pregnant, the only thing I could say was, “peace out, dude.” Video games, no matter how hard you try, will never get pregnant. Not only that, they aren’t going to favor someone more than the other. Sure, sometimes there is a host advantage, but video games don’t accidentally trip and end up on somebody’s tits.
They are always there
When I’m in need of a good stress reliever after a long and hard day, I know that my sexy bitches, the Xbox and PC, will always be there. Unlike humans who may often be “too busy” with living, video games never fail to let me down in this regard. We share fond memories that are at times extremely sentimental, and other moments where I just can’t stop laughing. No matter my bipolar emotion, video games will never forsake me. I can always count on my knight in shiny armor, video games.
They let me say what I want and they listen
“You stupid, laggy, broken, piece of sh!t video game!”
Video games don’t judge me for what I say to them. After all, I rage on Gears of War all the damn time. I get so annoyed with lag! But video games never turn around and slap me in the face; they take the abuse like they should. Yeah, you like that, don’t you?! Go make me a sandwich!
Video games aren’t needy
“What are you doing? Can I join you? Where are you going? When will you get home? Can you call me? Can you text me? Write me an e-mail? Instagram/Snapchat/Facebook/Twitter me! Please don’t go. Stay! I need you! I NEED YOU!”
Sigh. Well, at least video games aren’t needy. They aren’t constantly calling for my attention every second of the day. I get to them when I want to. I am in charge. Video games are the ones that wait on me, never the other way around. They don’t question what I do when I go out and don’t come back for a couple of days with new tattoos and piercings.
They don’t cry
Wah, wah, wah. I’m tired of pansies. I once went out on a date with this guy who acted like a total pussy. What a wussbag! If I wanted to date a girl, I would… just date a fucking girl! Thank goodness video games don’t cry. I can beat games all I want, and they’ll tough it out because why? Because they’re made to withstand my brutality! The guys I’ve dealt with definitely can’t. Here’s to hoping the next guy I’m interested in grows a pair.
One of the main problems I had my exes was the fact that they were BORING: in bed, out of bed, you name it. In fact, I’d be inclined to say I slept through most of the relationship. But video games, they keep me excited! Turning them on is as simple as a quick finger flick or voice command and bam, we’re set to play all night long!
So much variety by playing around
RPG, shooters, RTS, puzzles, you name it, I’ve played them. With so many genres and so many games with their own unique style of play, I never get bored because video games bring the variety that I need in my life! When you’re stuck with one person, you’re just stuck with that one personality type. Unless, of course, you’re dating someone with a multiple personality disorder. That can be… never mind… Whatever floats your boat!
Video games can be stupid at times, but make up for it in looks
Who says looks don’t matter? Sure, there are loads of folks out there who are just plain stupid, and video games can be as well. But damn, sometimes they just look so good that you can’t help but have a lustful urge to play with them over and again while admiring their beauty. Sometimes there are extremely stupid levels in games too; like playing any part of any of the Mass Effect games on insane difficulty. The definition of stupid hard anyone?!? But I can’t help myself but to return to it, for they look so pretty that I just want to gaze upon them eternally. Graphics whore? Damn right that’s me, and proud of it.
Video games let me explore
Apparently, people have “boundaries,” whatever that means. Video games encourages me to explore all sorts of undiscovered territories and when I explore far beyond a game designer’s intention, I always discovering something cool. Or I just glitch out and break the game. People don’t open themselves up to being explored so deeply… well… sometimes.
They let me invite friends
Mmmmmm….inviting friends! With just a click of a button, I can invite a slew of people and wapow, Instant party! Whether we’re in party chat or in game, video games have no issues with friends coming… over.